Jokes

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN:

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like

America

, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash .

Between 31 and 35 she is like

India

, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like

France

- Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like

Yugoslavia

, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like

Russia

, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like

Mongolia

, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan . Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:

Between 15 and 70 a man is like

Iraq

- ruled by a dick.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
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You know that there are many others not found here….